Thursday, November 12, 2009

11/12/09: Reasons TFC Fans Should Come To The 2010 Opener- A Peace Accord



I know, I know, I know that TFC fans are absolutely against coming to Columbus anymore because we are not hospitable enough.. And, there is only 750 hot girls at Brothers compared to the requisite 4 at Shoeless Joe's. Well, I would like to give them some reasons on why they should come to the 2010 opener. I'm extending a peaceful handshake across a mythical peace bridge to the TFC fans soul. So, please TFC fans just ponder our offer in this long offseason.

1. In 2010 the massages from the Columbus Police Department will come with no charge. You can't get this hands on treatment in Toronto, no sir:


2. The Crew front office will attach speaker systems to the two porta johns outside of Crew Stadium, so that TFC fans can voice their complaints in a steadfastly manner:


3. The Crew will trade you Robbie Rogers for any seven of the best Canada Sunshine girls from the last year to be made into Crewzers, effective immediately:



4. The Crew would like to remind TFC fans that if you fail in Columbus, we'll eventually let you beat us by 2030, as a token for TFC ticket buying, fan appreciation night:




5. The Crew front office would ask you to please pay attention to the Supporters Shield ceremony in 2010, but we understand that winning is boring:




6. Columbus would like to remind you that we provide the highest quality entertainment:



7. The Crew front office would like to thank you for showing Columbus what real fans are, we understand that most Toronto fans are from Ontario, which is in Europe, it is good to remind Crew fans of their inferior status. Examples like this define a culture that we are severally lacking:




8. All Toronto FC fan dignitaries will be escorted kindly from the game to their bus:




9. HSH will allow TFC fans to wear hats, but they will not be allowed to wear their hats backwards with a straight bill. Otherwise, this will mean serious business.

In conclusion, as you can see, Columbus is willing to be more hospitable. In all honesty, I hope TFC does come, as odd crap happens every time, and life is so much more interesting that way.

2 comments:

  1. Reason 10. If 100 TFC fans show up, it'll double the attendance.

    Reason 11. Individually, MLS clubs suck. Together, you can blow.

    Reason 12. MLS refs suck. It's f-ing Ultimate Fighting with a soccer ball. Skill will not be tolerated in MLS! Anyone demonstrating any skill in MLS will have a target painted on their back. Refs shall not call fouls committed against said people - unless they make a nice play in which case it will be whistled dead. "Ooooo it's tougher than European soccer". B***sh-t. It just sucks. An MLS player would end up in the hospital if he tried to carry the ball into the box in an Italian game. What am I saying, no MLS player has ever even attempted to carry the ball into the box! It's just run down the sidelines and cross. Run down the sidelines and cross. "Hey, I've got an idea! Let's sign a tall guy and have him stand in front of the net looking for a cross". What a f*ing advanced soccer strategy that is. You must be a real f*ing tactical genius to come up with that one. No-one ever thought of that before. Who cares if the guy can't even head the ball down. No siree just go for it! It can't fail!

    Reason 13. MLS fans suck. Dumba** newbie MLS fans, who think Man U is the be all and end all of European soccer, pay money to watch crappy players who are making $24,000 for a 10 month season and have to couch surf to survive. Suckers. Go buy your f*ing $150 AIG shirt douchebags. Then you can pontificate about what a great player Wayne Rooney is like a real expert. Excuse me while I laugh and puke at the same time.

    Reason 15. The Crew sucks. They are going back down the crapper where they belong along with their god-awful city and state. F*ing joke of a uniform as well.

    Reason 16. You can sing some lame songs you ripped off from European second division teams. CAN'T YOU EVEN F*ING COME UP WITH YOUR OWN SONGS FOR CHRISSAKES? TAKE A TUNE EVERYONE KNOWS AND CHANGE THE F*ING WORDS. THAT'S IT! IT'S NOT THAT F*ING HARD - UNLESS YOU'RE A RET*RD MLS FAN.

    Reason 17. If it gets heated, you might just kill each other. Now THAT would be good for soccer!

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  2. Lol, this guy is a retard. But, I agree with Reason 13, that's why I don't support any other team but the Columbus Crew. Sure, I'll watch other leagues. But, I hate as well people that think they have some sort of visceral connection to a team 3,000 miles away. That's ridicoulous.

    Reason 16.. working on that with a new group that is forming.

    But, man get your panties out of a wad, lol.

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