Thursday, August 13, 2009

8/14/2009 - Smitty's Smartass Preview: Dallas at Home

Poor FC Dallas. For years, they and the Columbus Crew were the two children of the stingiest owners in MLS, the Hunt family (or HSG, for the in-the-know). Anytime a FC Dallas fan noticed that their team wasn't doing to hot, they could point to the fact that the other Hunt team wasn't faring all THAT much better. Misery loves company, and especially the last few years, the Crew and Dallas didn't seem to be far from each other in the pathetic category.

Then the Crew had to go and mess all that up by winning damn near every trophy available in 2008.

Now, the "other" HSG team has to deal with the Crew, who are prepping for a Champions League match on Tuesday night, showing off in front of Uncle Clark. The Hoops are almost like the underachieving sibling who has tried to work their way up to assistant store manager at Kroger, finally gets a little success, drops a couple of grand on a down payment to buy a new Honda Civic, only to pull in the driveway and see that big brother just drove overnight from his job in "The City" in his brand new Mercedes E class. Except, in Dallas's case, they had to borrow money from the 'rents just to get the payments down on the Civic.

THAT said, Dallas stole plenty of games from Columbus over the years (remember the away game in Dallas in 2007?, Hell, remember two months ago?), and the Hunts live a Pizza Hut delivery away from Dallas. Add in the fact that Dallas got a designated player before Columbus did, and suddenly you realize the Hoops have been spoon fed many opportunities from the mother ship, while Columbus was often left with hand-me-downs from HSG. Sympathy should be difficult to muster.

Let's play the Feud!!!


Does anyone remember me? ANYONE?!?!

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW: FC Dallas is being called "one of MLS's hottest teams" and is said to be taking their "winning streak" into Crew Stadium against the Crew. To clarify the hyperbole, the Hoops have won 2 games in a row. You might not be able to remember all the way back though the eons of time, to a time when the MLS was still undefeated in meaningless friendlies with European squads in the All-Star game, back to July 24th, 2009. But that's the last time FC Dallas lost a game. I know, I know; pick yourself up off the floor.

Meanwhile, the Crew have only lost once since April 5th.

Now granted, the last time we lost was to F.C. Dallas. And since that game, the Hoops are 4-2-1. But the Crew are 5-0-2 over the same stretch, and have won 4 in a row while nearly half the team was away for the Gold Cup or injured. Yet, Dallas is the hottest team in MLS. You figure it out.

CHANCE OF MAKING THE PLAYOFFS: About the same as seeing Jessica Simpson at a Cowboys game this season. Or in size zero jeans sometime this year, for that matter.

TOPICAL INSULT OF THE WEEK: Jeff Cunningham's legs have so many miles on them, they technically qualify for Cash for Clunkers.

NEW ADDITIONS: Dave Van den Berg has to be kicking himself right now. Not only did he go from a a team that almost won their first MLS Cup last year to a team who is no where near sniffing the hardware, but he also failed to register @davandenberg on Twitter. Instead it belongs to some other Dutch guy with the same name. Oh the disgrace.

(Fortunately, the actual Twitter for @davevandenbergh hasn't been taken. But don't pretend like you knew that was how his name is spelled.) By the way, I am in no way encouraging logging onto this guy's page and registering smack posts about a game he is probably completely unaware of. Even though it would be hillarious, don't do it....


- Robbie Rogers and Adam Moffat both got a "G" next to their names for the first time in the 2009 season last week. Then, three days later, both got to watch their beloved national sides lose in heartbreaking fashion (Scotland lost 4-0 in Norway). Not as much of a fun activity as the first one.

- Many of the Crew staff and players were out at the Claddaugh's viewing party on Wednesday for the US/MEX viewing party. Among other things (including a Hacksaw Jim Duggan roundtable discussion), I talked to Brian Carrol about his dislocated shoulder. He then politely offered to show it to me. I politely declined, as I did not want to politely throw up all over his shoes. Also winning major points? Steven Lenhart for his white t-shirt/ white cap combo that begged some to wonder if he was going to do some painting after the party. Dutch Boy, anyone?

- The Crew have a Champions League qualifier to worry about on Tuesday. Which game will see the stronger Crew starting 11? I say that advancing to the CCL knockout stage has to be a priority for the Crew, at least when it's sandwhiched between Dallas and a bye week. Still, I predict Guille sees the field on Saturday, if only to get him back in game shape for Tuesday.

- Game Preview is here.

PREDICTION: This game feels like a trap game, but I have faith. Guillermo only plays 60 minutes, but gets a goal to keep the pace in the Golden Boot running. Jeff Cunningham nets for the Burn, but we get another Moffat Rocket to seal another home win, 2-1.


  1. That 'G' next to their names, that stands for gangsta, correct?

  2. check out the massive team pictured on the world league preview of out the massive team pictured on the world league preview of