Thursday, July 30, 2009

7/30/09: Smitty's Smartass Preview - Colorado away

You never quite get used to the names of some people or places. For instance, I've never been able to take Pat Benatar seriously, mainly because I think her name sounds like something you do to soothe a mythical creature. "Asympolix, did you make sure to pat the Benatar on the head before you smote him with your sword of intolerance?" Similarly, Albuquerque never makes me think "nice summer getaway", but instead, "a cross between a barbeque and a DMV, but minus the food."

My point is, names are important, especially if you want to be taken seriously. Beckham sounds like the Big Ben eating black pudding, it's so British. Guillermo and Gino sound like soccer-playing Argentines (or even better, Italian Argentines!). And you can't get any more "All-American Boy" than Robbie, Chad, Brian, Danny, Eddie, and Frankie. It's like the Lil' Rascals bought a couple of onion sacks. Point is, your name says a lot about who you are, where you're from, and most of all, what you are on the inside.

And on that note, I would like to turn our focus to a game where a bunch of fans will be sitting in a park called Dick's Sporting Goods Park.


GAME 19: At Colorado

Yeah, get the kids to hold this sign...

What You Need to Know: The Rapids are once again a mid-table team in the inferior conference. Connor Casey, who is on 8 goals in 13 games, just played 90 minutes in Salt Lake City in the MLS All-Star Game. Admirable, much in the way you'd "admire" a guy who dressed as Chewbacca for ComiCon. Sure, it took a lot of dedication and hard work to get there, but doesn't really add up to much in the grand scheme of things.

New Additions: The signing of Scottish midfielder Jamie Smith pushed fan favorite Terry Cooke out the door. The Rapids strategy here: piss off the home fans a little more, as they've clearly enjoyed too much wild success in Denver these last few years...

Chance of Making the Playoffs: About the same as you getting cash for your clunker.

Topical Insult of the Week: This week's insult comes from well...Rapids midfielder Pablo Mastroeni:

He's not insulting Colorado, just everyone's eyes who looks at this picture. Eye bleach cannot undo what has been done.

- Crew Notes

- The Bash Brothers have 5 goals in 2 games, but will they continue to light it up this week? Or will Alejandro Moreno get to step back on the field, rested and ready? Here's hoping the Crew go with 3 forwards, 4 midfielders, and the 3 best defenders in the league: Marshall, Frankie, and Gino. (Sane people, please post in the comments...)

- Look for Adam Moffat to be eased back into the Crew lineup. Some felt Coach Robert Warzycha included him in the lineup a bit too early in April, which may have contributed to his setback of a hamstring injury. Word from camp is that Moffat is feeling fine after going 17 minutes with the first team on Saturday's 3-2 win over Toronto, and has been training this week. But with Champions League looming for the Crew in August/September/October, Crew fans should get to see plenty of the Scottish midfielder in the coming weeks.

- Finally, a big kudos to all who are DRIVING to Colorado this week. That's a long plane ride, let alone being stuck in a car for 20+ hours. Good on ya, Crew roadies.

Game preview is here.

Prediction: Which forward will score? If it's only one of them, I would have to guess Garey. Also, I think the Crew get a goal from Robbie Rogers or Emmanuel Ekpo (remember his one-man run he had in the home game last season?). 2-1 to the Crew in a tough road matchup.


  1. Look for us on TV! leaving tomorrow early PM! And no Smitty, we shouldnt play 3 backs unless you expect Gino/Frankie to just sit all game and not make any wild runs down the flanks.

  2. 3 backs foreva! Gino and Frankie need to learn to play defense! Lol, just joking. Go Crew.

    And, nice article. Loved the opening. I'll do a preview tonight as well after I'm done moving back to awful PA.

    And, man I wish I made a small fortune doing nothing like Blake so I could go to Colorado. :-) Just messing.

  3. If you wouldn't spend all your money at Brothers maybe you would have a small fortune! :)

  4. Haha that def was a good opening right there. Classic man.

    Yeah no joke wish I could save a $ or too. Student loans raping the pennies out of me. If I didn't have to work tonight I would have harder sought out a way to ride with someone to

    Dick's Sporting Goods Park

  5. No more Brothers or OSU for me, lol sadly stuck in PA.