Saturday, March 14, 2009

3/14/09: Humor- Soccer Is Ruining America

According to this guy:

Stephen H. Webb is a professor of Religion and Philosophy at Wabash University. And, apparently in his skewed opinion Jesus hates soccer and soccer is ruining America.

It's a fun read. Apparently, Webb is mad that all three of his kids play soccer and he protests by reading books on the sidelines.

Quotable gem on why soccer is such a horrible game:
"Anthropologists commonly define man according to his use of hands. We have the thumb, an opposable digit that God gave us to distinguish us from animals that walk on all fours. The thumb lets us do things like throw baseballs and fold our hands in prayer. We can even talk with our hands. Have you ever seen a deaf person trying to talk with their feet? When you are really angry and acting like an animal, you kick out with your feet. Only fools punch a wall with their hands. The Iraqi who threw his shoes at President Bush was following his primordial instincts. Showing someone your feet, or sticking your shoes in someone’s face, is the ultimate sign of disrespect. Do kids ever say, “Trick or Treat, smell my hands”? Did Jesus wash his disciples’ hands at the Last Supper? No, hands are divine (they are one of the body parts most frequently attributed to God), while feet are in need of redemption. In all the portraits of God’s wrath, never once is he pictured as wanting to step on us or kick us; he does not stoop that low."

It's a fact that legs and feet are much stronger then hands and arms. Don't athletes use their feet to steal a base, or to run to the endzone, or to kick a field goal, or on a break away in basketball, or on a 400 M dash. No one gets that speed factor most important in sports from their hands. Kind of a ridicoulous premise. Also, if that's not enough for people who want to make some wild connection between the divinity of hands and sports, there is always the Hand of God:

Plus, you know soccer organizations do horrible things like help UNICEF and help to fight malaria in Africa. I guess helping those in need is un-American. Maybe Mr. Webb should stick to religion and philosophy, and leave the sports talk to those that might know something about it.


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